Did you grow up in a family where aggression and erratic, dysfunctional behaviour was the norm. If so, you are experiencing what Freud called Repetition Compulsion. Your past is sneaking into your present. You accept bad behaviour as the norm because you identify with the familiarity of this unacceptable behaviour. It is important to understand that you are not your past history, you are not how others have at one time treated you. It is time to set clear healthy boundaries on the level of respect, compassion and kindness you deserve.
Do you think you don’t deserve healthy love because of your weight, your age, your career or perceived inadequacies you have manifested? Start loving yourself – flaws and all. A partner should be so lucky to be with you. The more you believe you deserve healthy love the more you will identify with the “red flags” or “warning bells” and attract a functional relationship.
Surround yourself with friends and family that are in healthy and loving relationships. This will remind you that “good love” is out there so you can raise the bar of what you accept in a relationship.
Do you care too much about looks, status and wealth. The number one reason to merge your life with someone is that they make you feel happier and safer, not more anxious and questioning yourself. Write a list of values that you respect in a partner such as stability, kind-hearted, even-tempered and adhere to this list.
A relationship should not be a source of drama and excitement seek your thrills elsewhere. Drama leads to conflict, instability and erratic behaviour which does not lead to happiness or contentment in any given relationship.
Are you afraid of being alone hence you put up with behaviour by your partner that would never be deemed acceptable by a friend or colleague. Being alone is far better than having your dignity and self-respect compromised. Solitude is a great time for self-refection, career advancement or spending time with people that value you.
Don’t be afraid to walk away from a relationship that is destructive to your self-esteem and that is no longer serving you. Remind yourself that you are moving forward, away from this self-hurting tendency and towards a better, brighter future.